Invisible Prison

Have you ever been surrounded with invisible iron bars? Ever feel like something unknown and unnamed is gripping your ankles, leaving you stuck?
Satan was super satisfied with the stronghold He had on me. Without eyes to see Our Creator, I walked blindly through this life for forty years. The Enemy controlled me with shame, doubt, and the lie that points to the most deadly sin: only in my control will my life flourish….only my strength will prevail….only I can figure out this puzzle called life. All the while I thought I was free and in charge.
Truly and thankfully, God created me with a tenacity for survival and a creativity I still do not understand. Plodding through monumental losses with minimal parental support meant I took care of things on my own. I was maturely independent from a young age and was determined to be a career success. The irony was the more I achieved, the more intensely I died. Cause of my emotional death? A persistent lonely hopelessness.
I got the job. I found an affordable roomy house to rent. I had friends, and I found the guy. Surely, life could not get better.
He announced he signed up for the military.
He proposed after he graduated basic training.
We married on the beach in Biloxi, only a few months before we flew to Italy for his first assignment.
Suddenly I was a part of my marriage and my growing family, something I had always longed for but could never attain.
Oddly, the sagging weight of anger suffocated many opportunities for joy.
With the addition of a husband and baby, there was more loss. I lost my career. I lost my dad to a heart attack. I lost the nearby support of my family and friends as we lived overseas for three arduous years.
Loss, loss, loss….Satan whispered, “Have you had enough? Look at what everyone has done to you? Look at all that has been taken away from you?”
Control, control, control…..Satan announced, “This is the only way to survive. You are an excellent survivor. Look at all you have been through.”
I found out that changes in geography, family size and career status in the first year of marriage are too much. I found out that all babies do not sleep. I found out that not one single thing could make me longtime-happy.
It happened without my intention. It was part of the Enemy’s plan: to encage my heart, to compress it, squeezing out most of the good, the warmth, making it almost impossible for Love to go in or come out.
Jesus saved me from myself. He is the Light that penetrated my determined darkness. He is the Son of the Most High who deemed me worthy. You and I are saved because we are overwhelmingly loved.
“Then Jesus told him, ‘Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.’” (John 20:29, NLT)
I am unequivocally blessed. For like lightning, my faith in Him solidified. For the past two years, I have purposefully followed Him. Yes, I am His daughter, and the enemy will flee at the sound of His name. My marriage and family relationships are healing, radically with prayer.
Aahhh sweet freedom in the name of Jesus! Make no mistake, though. All His Light shining on You makes the enemy insanely jealous, giving him more reason to be wily like a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Sometimes I hear it in my tone. The indignation, the desire to have things my way. Sometimes I make rash decisions without praying because the Lion roared reminding me I know what’s best.
My thanks are to Our Heavenly Creator every day for His patience, His forgiveness and His unending grace-filled precious love that covers all sin. As we choose to love our one and only God, He opens His eternal arms to accept us in His family. Be careful to choose Him each day, each moment of each day. Run to Him, and only Him, when your freedom from the Invisible Prison is threatened.

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2 thoughts on “Invisible Prison

  1. Gorgeous writing, my friend. And I recognize that prison 😉 I’m not your “classic” control freak, but I still fight to trust. Trust is a much better life than living white-knuckled, trying to make sure everything is okay…all while knowing I have NO chance of making it turn out right.

    Liked by 1 person

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