Was that the reindeer hooves clicking on the rooftop?
Did I hear wrapping paper shuffle under the tree?
That bell…I know that was from his sleigh!
I wanted to believe with my whole heart that Santa was real. He was hope and light. He always had a smile and gifts for all children, which meant I was included. Even as an eight-year-old girl, it wasn’t all about the presents. It was more about the waiting for feeling special and the stretching to touch his beard, to confirm his happy existence.
My parents often couldn’t afford, or couldn’t stop fighting or couldn’t figure out whose house we were going to after the divorce.
Santa blessed us every year, regardless of the struggle and stress. He knew I was counting on him.
My world absolutely caved when I demanded the truth from my mom that eight-year-old Christmas. Truly, the magic reindeer feed was beginning to sound hokey, but I needed Santa to be real.
When I asked for the truth, she told me the truth. Thank you, Mom, for that.
What now? I thought. How could I go on?
Mom suggested I help my younger brother by pretending to believe. He was only three. I would not want to crush his heart. He was little and needed Santa, but not more than I. Life was hard and scary at times. Santa was the reward at the end of every year. Santa gave my soul something to look forward to.
My young heart grieved the loss of the man I thought ruled the Earth this holiday time each year.
After losing Santa, I wonder how I would have loved Jesus who was born to be King of the World for all the days, forever.
With my forty-six year old self, I breathe deeply. I inhale Him. Stripping away pretense and pride, I open my heart like an exposed nerve…tingly, sensitive to the air, to the environment He creates with His presence. It is holy, quiet and so full of love you can’t see anything but Him- every where you look, touch, think… is just His acceptance of You because He made you, and He made the world, and He wants you close to him, He wants to protect You, shield You, cover You. He wants you to seek Him for any reason and all reasons. He teaches me to trust in His year-round, forever goodness.
The more I know Him, the more I surrender to Him, and the more He reminds me I will never be alone.
Jesus is the Christmas child that will be with us until the end of the age (Matthew 28:20 NLT).
Wishing you a merry prayer time this week, a visit with Him. I would love to hear how Santa and Jesus work in your life. Feel free to leave a comment here, or share with your friends.
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