Not My Proudest Mom Moment

Welcome to Tuesday’s post. Do you ever day dream, just let your mind take you away to place that is peaceful or invigorating? I invite you into my daydream about Jesus:

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[Sigh] Do you ever dream about walking this earth when Jesus was alive? Oh yes, please, I would sit among the thousands by the lake while He spoke Truth. My eyes and ears would be wide, swallowing each word uttered from his holy lips. No insect or child’s cry could distract me from His teachings. I would only move from my stillness when told to move into groups of fifty.
Even with all the current condemnation of carbs, I love me some bread.

Bread broken by Jesus would fill my heart, soul and my stomach.

Something in this daydream says Satan would not have been able to touch me, there by the lake, on His ground where Jesus exuded supernatural righteousness … His presence hypnotizing the crowds while he made us the miracle meal.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble … “(John 16:33, NLT Study Bible

Trouble is different for all of us, I imagine.

With a heavy heart, I know I have found trouble when it feels wrong.

“Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.” (Romans 12:9, NLT Study Bible)
With my whole heart, I love Jesus.

There are times when His Spirit is working in me, and my goosebumps raise in honor.

 

In these moments, sometimes a whole span of time, my soul is safe, protected.
It’s not that Jesus leaves, rather I take my eyes off the cross.

A couple months ago, I thought I would melt down in public.

How did I let Jackson’s behavior distract me from our oldest son’s academic bowl competition? A more honest question is how did I let the enemy spoil my mood on such an important night for Braedon?

The sterile academic environment called for all participants and spectators to be silent. Those students in the competition could only speak after sounding their buzzers. We the people, no I mean, we the parents and supporters were supposed to be unnoticed, unhelpful, and unanimated.

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Sound difficult?

It was for me and Jackson. Overwhelmed with the need to participate, the need to belong and above all for him, the need to compete, Jackson whispered throughout the quiet times and made gestures like “aren’t you going to answer this one?” to his nervously shy brother.

Jackson was not responding to my lowly spoken prompts or those corrections we moms like to give with our eyes.
The blood in my veins ran frantic, scattering my brain and squeezing the air out of my lungs.
As mom to two boys who are very different, it is challenging to celebrate them equally. Jackson is our sports nut, so each season he plays something, and we root him on for many hours in all kinds of weather.
Braedon would rather receive his immunization shots than compete in any organized sport. He picks and chooses his extracurricular activities with precision. For two years in a row, he earned the right to be on the academic bowl team, an honor in and of itself.

Last year, Braedon pushed the buzzer exactly one time.
This year he was on fire.
Unfortunately, so was I.

The enemy spoke all kinds of ungodly things, and I fell for them in the heat of the moment:

Look at how Jackson is getting away with defiance. You are powerless in this situation. Who can help you? Even though you can’t, I know you want to scream.

Braedon had a spectacular night, answering several questions on his own and helping his captain on the side. My husband snapped a couple pictures of the team, and we headed for the door.

Sweat pooled in every crevice of my body. Muscles in my neck were as stiff as a freshly starched shirt.

Have you felt this way, too? Like you have just been beaten around by a force that is stronger?

Truth: “But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John:16:33)
Victory is only a name away!

He is Jesus, Our Savior, who died on the cross and rose three days later to live with us in a love-full relationship. Please join in me in prayer for all moms today:

Dear Jesus, Sweet Jesus,
We know you see all the mama sheep tending to their young. We know sometimes our gaze gets fixed on what to do with these little people entrusted to our care. Overwhelmed, we want to take matters into our own hands.
When this happens, King of Mighty Kings, will you forgive us? Will you reach out your hand and help us pick our sorry selves up, with our sweat-stained clothes and a face only a Father could love?
Thank you for being the forever victor over our number one arch enemy. Thank you for being a place of rest and maybe even a place of hiding some days.
When we slow down and listen to the Spirit, we can feel you everywhere … the lake down the street, the corner grocery store, the dance class and academic bowl competition.
We are blessed daughters to You the King and doubly blessed that our children call you Father, too.
In Jesus Holy Name,

Amen

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Thank you for spending time here. If your heart was touched, please share. I know there are many moms who beat themselves up. I used to be overwrought with guilt most days. I am thankful for the forgiveness and love Jesus offers every day. Always, your comments are welcome! I respond to all within 24 hours.

If you want to connect with me on social media, here are the links:

https://facebook.com/jdibble4Him

https://twitter.com/@julie_dibble

https://instagram.com/@jayjule03

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10 thoughts on “Not My Proudest Mom Moment

  1. I can relate to this so much. Our 4 year old needs more help and guidance, of course, than our 10 year old. I find myself feeling guilty, but it helps that the 10 year old is understanding. Prayer also gets me through these times. You are a great mother! I love this writing and keep up the great work. God Bless!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Julie! As a nana taking care of a two-and-a-half year old, and her five month old sister, twice a week, still working and grieving over a best friend’s death, I lost it yesterday. Your post was spot on to the place in my heart that left me condemned and unforgiven, reminding me that in Jesus, I’m never condemned. He’s forgiven me And still loves me. Thank you for sharing! Terri

    Liked by 1 person

    • Awww my far away friend, sooooo thankful your heart found and absorbed Our Savior again. In my experience, the enemy divides, then I return, and He is waiting with a kindness we can hardly begin to understand … just receive! XoXo Julie

      Like

  3. Julie, yes, I’ve been there. We have two boys, 17 months apart. One is more athletic and one is . . . not. We try to support each other as a family, but it’s often hard for one boy to “willingly” be there for his brother. I think this is a maturity thing, but it’s hard for me, as the mom, to keep patient when one is complaining. 🙂

    Thanks so much for the reminder that Jesus is the victor’s name, and Jesus is the One who enables us moms to keep our words and tones gracious. Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you for being here Jeanne and for sharing. Our boys are 22 months apart, and competition can be fierce sometimes. We are trying to celebrate their individuality and their God-given strengths. Thankful every day for Jesus who is there to bring us back to love when the enemy divides. Blessings, Julie

      Liked by 1 person

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