Good morning! If its not morning when you read this, it will be soon 🙂 This post is for all my friends who struggle with perfectionism in some way, shape or form. This is the real struggle from the real me. May you be encouraged.
What happens when expectations of yourself are too high?
When we fill our list to do for today with so many things, it is impossible to finish?
When we focus in on one important achievement, moving blindly as if through a tunnel, plodding forward to conquer, ignoring what is around us, finishing what we started only to find that it does not fill the gaping hole in our soul?
Perfectionism is a tool of the enemy, and he uses it to turn us against ourselves.
I used to reach for the stars
determined to stretch myself as far as I could with all my emotional and physical might
even when I settled for my best
it still felt like a crash and burn.
No in-between … success or failure.
Even now, it is really hard to believe I am good enough.
Can you relate?
Then the other part of expecting myself to be perfect included putting on the face, the one that showed the world I was okay when I most certainly was not.
Be strong, be successful and do those things so you will be cared for. Lies of the enemy, the voices in my head that chitter-chattered for years.
Somewhere along the way I learned to deny my hurt.
Now years later, I am unstuffing old pain, slowly exposing the wounded layers beneath overused bandaids, that have long lost their stick.
If you are aware of feelings that are living somewhere inside of you, let me celebrate with you. That is the first step to being the real you. Because you can be you with all your mess and achieve less but have sooooo much more love to fill those nasty heart-holes.
If you are with me on social media, you have seen hashtags #nomorepretending. It’s the real me or no me. Yet, I choose boundaries between me and others that honor my feelings and theirs. If you missed Set Your Feelings Free post. Here’s the link:
I truly became an expert in illusions, a master of disguise. If only I had a magic wand to wave away the bleeding, lonely broken pieces of my heart.
I was tired, tired of pretending but still saw no other way. Hopeless. Empty. Goal-oriented. Defining myself by what I could achieve.
So where do you go from here?
You run right into the arms of Jesus.
He helped me see with His eyes how hard I am on myself, how brutally lonely I was as nobody knew me for who I was.
Who am I? (ask yourself this question)
I am His daughter, crowned and anointed with His purpose for me. I am a woman who loves her family and friends, who cannot live without Jesus and wants to help make the world a better place, who wants the love she feels from above imprinted on others, for no one should live bankrupt of such a divine gift.
Some perfectionist blood still runs through my veins, those ingrained habits that are hard to break. I cannot always see the middle ground clearly. My head knows we all make mistakes and that it is impossible to be human and put your best effort in all areas all the time. Jason won’t always drip honey over his words, nor will I. Our children will ignore our advice and misbehave.
How else will they learn?
His grace, His holding me with His righteous right Hand, His blood shed for me, His unfailing and redeeming love is for me and for you and for ALL who call upon Him … ALL.
That needs to be enough for us.
We have Jesus. We already have what we need to do this life with its curves and mountains and potholes and really scary cliffs.
When you get nervous and freeze because you don’t want to fall into old perfectionist patterns.
Just be still and honor Our only Perfect.
No one expects us to journey away from perfect, perfectly.
Thank you for reading today. I pray these words lead you to a warmer, brighter place. If you need prayers, please do not hesitate to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
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