When Your Past Says You are Not Enough, Part 1 of 2

Welcome back to my blog, where I go beneath the surface and share all that Jesus shows me. For those of you who follow me on social media, know this is my husband’s and my anniversary month, celebrating 14 years of life together. So, we will dive into some marriage stuff. We have a guest author/blogger who will share her marriage story on the 18th. There will also be more about self-worth, a topic that spans across all ages and labels. We have a guest author/blogger who will share her story and point us to her helpful book on the 25th.

Today’s post literally grew out of one of my neighborhood walks and touches the place in us that says we are not enough:

It had rained. That hard summer downpour that cools the steam rising off life’s hot mess. Jesus drew my eyes to this:

pineraindroppic

Wow, I thought, how does a single drop of rain defy gravity with its bulk weighing toward the ground?
In awe that God can do anything.
When I was young, I did not know of His miracles, of His presence all around. That one molecule of water could have been the one dollar I hid and saved, in case I needed it.

My feet keep moving on this walk as my heart’s mind continued to travel back into a time of not enough.
Never enough money to do and get all that we wanted.

Sometimes not enough money to have what we needed.

There were times we did not have a car, we did not have heat, we did not have that safe feeling that all would be okay.

Instead, there was an underlying fear of running out, being empty, not being enough.

Somehow the lack of resources

translated to my girl heart as

You are not enough.

The empty hole deep in my soul was dark and lonely.

As I got older, I made sure I had enough things. I worked to buy my own deodorant and make-up. I needed make-up because my face was not beautiful enough without out it.

Stockpiling and saving tangible things to try and create a sense of enough. This leaf is like me, trying to store up as many sources of life and hope:

leafmanydropspic

Without a loving Maker to lead my steps, I bolted in a race to win approval from all people in all things.

I wanted, no I needed, to be:

The most caring friend, the perfect student, the most helpful daughter, the most protective sister, the most successful employee.
But it was never enough to feed my thirsty soul. No matter how many raindrops I collected on my leaf of life, I came up dreadfully short.

Some moments still my heart beats the same song of the past, the one that says there is just not enough.
What does it take to be free from desperate cries for attention, from a greedy spirit who does not believe she deserves or will receive enough????

Ann Voskamp describes giving as the way to live fully:
“The way to slowly die is to believe you live in a space of scarcity and not abundance of generosity. The abundant way to life is the paradox of the broken way, to believe we live with enough time, resources, enough God. Any fear of giving to God’s Kingdom is flawed.” (The Broken Way, p.208)

Jesus first showed me with His love, that I have always been enough for Him. He wrote my name in His book long ago and knows when I will see Him again. Until then, He is living with me because I choose to love Him each day. As He fills me, I know I have plenty to share with others:

Encouragement to my writer friends
Hugs for my children, the kind the squeeze with love
A listening ear when my husband comes home from seeing hard things on his job
Standing with someone in their pain
Praying for myself, praying for the ones He places in my life

I am enough because He is mine, and I am His.

I have enough of myself to give because He will never let my soul go dry.

I can shine brightly as I am, knowing His grace and mercy and love is forever coming my way. The leaves who trust grow big and absorb water the way He intends. The little leaf who hoards … sadly struggles.

freshcleanleavespic
Trust

Psalm 9:10
Those who know your name trust in You, for you, O LORD, do not abandon those who search for you.

Surrender

Job 11:13
If only you would prepare you heart and lift up your hands to him in prayer!

Receive

Luke 6:38
Give, and you will receive. Your gift will return to you in full … pressed down, shaken together to make room for more, and poured into your lap. The amount you give will determine the amount you get back

It is one beautiful cycle of love, isn’t it? Giving to others is sharing what we have been given. Allowing our hearts to overflow with Jesus means He will touch others. Our story is always enough, for it is written by the One who abides so faithfully that our cup “runneth over” (Psalm 23:5,KJV)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Visit tomorrow for Part 2, where I focus on the resources God has given me (time and money) and how I still struggle to share those.
Self-worth feels like a mountain as I push my way through the overgrown, stubborn parts of myself.
Thank Our Loving Lord! He moves mountains 😊
Daily faith-lifts at https://facebook.com/jdibble4Him
https://instagram/@jayjule03
https://twitter.com/@julie_dibble

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8 thoughts on “When Your Past Says You are Not Enough, Part 1 of 2

  1. This a perfect worded piece. Life is lonely, without the Lord. Money and material things do not matter, if you do not have a relationship, with Jesus Christ. Thank you for your commitment, to help others and spreading the word of the Lord.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much Christa for being here. It is sometimes a long road to really let the importance of other things fall away. I am thankful for Jesus and how He teaches, and with my whole heart I trust as I share He will use it to help others. Have a blessed day 🙂

      Like

  2. ❤ amazing Julie!! I can't even begin to express how your words always touch my heart..struggling with self-worth has always been an issue nd still is..cant wait for part 2!! Thank you for allowing God to use you in all of our lives ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for walking with me and Jesus, Linda. It is how He intends for us to build each other up and as much as He is with us, He also doesn’t want us to be alone on this earth. So thankful for all He does. And yes, I told someone else I trust with my whole heart that He uses my speaking and writing for His good, for His people 🙂

      Like

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