Grief stalked me for years. The counselors called it ‘complicated grief’ with an underlying depression.
The anniversary of her death and Christmas.
My mom died 27 years ago today.
I have now lived over half my life without her.
Any of you who believe Hope in Our Jesus can hazard a guess at why I struggled to heal.
When mom died, I thought our life to be temporary, doomed to be final and covered with dirt.
Both life and death were without hope.
Because if all I was living and working and suffering for was to be buried and forgotten, why do life?
For several years after mom died, unanswered questions were embers slowly burning in my grief-stricken soul.
Where is the rocking chair that was in our house, that was your mom’s?
Mom, were you happy, really happy?
Mom, how did you get to love Christmas so much? Who or what taught you?
Why did you have a hysterectomy so young?
The list goes on and on. I yearned for more time with her. I couldn’t imagine my future without her. I felt cheated. I was lost.
Now I know Jesus. By His grace and for His glory, I was reborn at age 40, the same age my mother was when she died.
Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they died’ and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:25-26).
I am not sure how my mother answered this question while standing at the gates of Heaven. I find it unlikely she believed Jesus is Our living Hope because Hope didn’t live in our house.
I cannot say I will see her in Heaven because I am not sure. Some people post memes saying ‘I wish Heaven had visiting hours”. I do, too, though I never think of my mom.
So what now?
Grief that originated in despair is gone, replaced with various burdens God lays on my heart to pray and act for His daughters and sons.
I have no more questions for my mom, only hope. Hope in a merciful God who may have pardoned her and invited her into eternity where He reigns forever.
This Hope lives and breathes within me. This Hope makes my feet move and mouth speak to others. This Hope reminds me not to grow weary in serving and growing in Christ, for there is life beyond earth. This Hope bows my head and asks for forgiveness. This Hope is the reason I raise my off-key voice in praise. This Hope is the foundation from which all else flows.
This Hope remembers there is a place in Heaven for me, little ole broken and renewed me.
And if there’s a place for me, then there is a place for you.
Make Heaven count. Ask Jesus to live in your heart, for His Hope is for ALL.
And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you may also be where I am (John 14:3).
Wow! What a Wonderful Counselor and Mighty King we have in Jesus! Did this post stir you? Feel free to start a conversation in the comments. I love to talk about Jesus 🙂
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A new poem “Angels Around” at https://faithhopeandpoetry.blog
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Have a blessed day.