Yesterday, I was prepared, prayed up.
Jason had to work. The boys and I would have a quiet day.
God gave me the blog about how He healed me the day BEFORE Mother’s Day. I thought that so kind of Him as He knew my heart. I didn’t want to have many reasons to go on social media yesterday. (https://juliedibblewrites.wordpress.com/2020/05/09/how-the-lord-healed-the-pain-of-losing-my-mom/)
But wait, Julie, you just wrote you were healed?
Yes, and God is still working in me. I need Him to help me remember the good things about my time with my mom. I need Him to be with me as I delve into old pictures, the ones I forgot about for so long. Packed away in totes and packed further away in my mind.
I pray next Mother’s Day I can post a picture of a memory of her that brings me, and others, joy.
Those darn pictures. The ones everyone else posts.
I was holding it together, or so I thought.
Our boys were sweet and spent time hanging with their old mom. Jackson blew the whistle on how my husband led them early in the morning. While at work, Jason texted each boy to encourage them to make yesterday about me, and not about them.
Right there, my husband and two young men … and my Jesus. It truly is all the gift I ever want.
Still, there is an ache inside me. A longing to be held by my mama. That longing is a child’s desire, not an adult’s. The me now has a passion to talk to my mom about this amazing new life in Christ.
Old vs. New
Death vs. Life
Holding it together as I straddle these two worlds. Maintaining composure for the sake of … whom?
Today I feel like I have an emotional hangover, and I didn’t shed one tear yesterday. I didn’t think I had any cry left.
Let me stop right here and caution you, friends.
When we try to hold ourselves together, we are acting as the Lone Ranger. Tippin our hats low over our eyes, and pulling our big pants up by the belt loops. Nope, nothin to see here, folks.
This offends the One who invites and showers us in heaven’s promises:
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (Matthew11:28-30).
There are no Lone Rangers in His Kingdom:
I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you (Genesis 28:15).
And when we hold our breath, stand tall, purse our lips, force the smiles, deny our true feelings … all this trying to hold ourselves together … we are hurting ourselves and Our Creator:
He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. He is the head of the body, the Church; He is the beginning and firstborn from among the dead, so that in all things He may have preeminence (Colossians 1:17-18).
You and I can take a breath, deeply inhale and exhale through the mouth.
Let us remember in His death, we are alive not by our doing or by some super-human feat of keeping our composure …
But now He has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you as holy, unblemished and blameless in His presence … if indeed you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the HOPE of the gospel you heard, which has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant (Colossians 1:22-23).
Now breathe again. This time look up, seek His face and receive His breath in your lungs.
Let those tears fall, let the jealousy form into a thought you can surrender, let the sorrow – whether old or new – heave out of your chest.
We are not commanded to keep our emotions under lock and key.
We are invited to be comforted and strengthened by the mercy of Our Forever Savior. We are invited to belong to the family of God, where He and our brothers and sisters help us.
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).
So let us hold tight to Jesus and let go of the Lone Ranger lie.
I will conclude with the poem God gave me this morning as I stood up to that sneaky devil:
An emotional hangover
That greedy wish for a do-over
The devil is at your back
you don’t need
to do this or that”
Oh but when I put on my full armor to combat
The battle already won
I proclaim the saving name and power of God’s One and Only Son
Jesus is Lord of my home, my heart
For He sends angels to guard me in whole not in part
Nothing can un-do
God’s holy love for me or for you
Walk in it
Inside your soul
His Spirit works, teaches to make you and me more whole
Thank you for joining me here.
I pray this post encourages you to draw nearer to Him and to rebuke any lies of the enemy whispering that you should be the Lone Ranger.
If you have any questions about the saving power of Jesus, please email me at email@example.com
If you know someone who needs this type of encouragement, please feel free to share this post. I give God the glory and honor for any words, spoken or written.
All photos in this post are from Pixabay.com.
Have a wonder-full day knowing He is with you.
Love in Christ,