If I am honest, I don’t know where to start. Any words falling out of my mouth are not lovely or noble or praiseworthy.
In silence, my heart has shouted against the corrupt police officer whose evil pride murdered a man.
In our country, the color blue signifies law enforcement.
Blue is now blood-stained and race-shamed.
Mr. Floyd was a black man whom by all public accounts loved God. His family, our world, lost a light of Christ.
I will extol the Lord at all times; His praise will always be on my lips (Psalm 34:1).
Lord, I am embarrassed to be white and to be a police wife. Lord, I know my husband acts in accordance with the law. You created Jason to serve others wearing camo and now blue. I am so proud of him, Lord.
But what shall we do?
Lord, you hate murder. Jason and I do, too.
I will glory in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt His name together (Psalm 34:2-3).
Finding the right words is not as important as doing the right thing.
I talked with God a lot. He led me to post poetry on social media last week, breathing those words into my spirit. Twice, He led me to speak on Facebook live, even though I wasn’t ready.
I only want to say what He gives.
Lord, I want to help. I want to pray for all things, but my heart is so cluttered and fearful, God.
I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from my fears.
Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame (Psalm 34:4-5).
God granted me one of the best sleeps I have had in a looong time last night. When I woke, His light had already risen. Hope spoke peace into my soul.
The burden I stole from Jesus was lifted. Have you ever done that? Carried intensely something He didn’t give you. Rather you took it.
Almost as if I was walking on air, I headed to the coffee pot. Before I had my first strong Sumatra sip, I was overwhelmed with blessed assurance, knowing what He wanted me to do today.
The poor woman called, and the Lord heard her. He saved her from all her troubles (Psalm 34:6).
I knew I was to write a list for my husband of all the people God sent to us, letting us know they were praying.
I knew I was to attend the training through ERCOG on transparent racial discussions. (here is the link if you want to check it out, about an hour long https://youtu.be/bWbx-hD8-IQ )
Thank You, Lord, for loving me in my sin. As much as I wanted to be clean, I wasn’t. I wanted to lay blame to the murdering cop. I wanted to protect my husband’s reputation. All the while, I was not considering how deep and long the hurt is for black people in our country. Such foolishness in Your Kingdom, Lord. Thank You for lifting the veil that I may grow in empathy and grace, that I may put fear beneath my feet where it belongs, that I may be strong in You and Your ways. Thank You that you put a guard over my mouth but still listened to my heart cry in slience.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them (Psalm 34:7).
I am still broken, as we all are.
We are broken vessels who heal, then crack, and sometimes stumble so hard we break into a million pieces all over again.
It was a struggle to praise Him this past week. I had to keep saying out loud, Lord, You are Sovereign, You are Holy, You are Righteous, we need You, I need You.
Praise whispered in the dark is better than no praise at all.
Our Mighty God is ever worthy of our praise.
Our circumstances, if we let them, will squelch that spirit in us.
In Christ’s victory I stand. Today I lift my arms to heaven as I gaze toward His glory. For I am His, and that is final.
I pray you will join me to stand in Christ’s victory.
For it is better to stand in the shadow of the Cross than in the shadows of evil’s lies.
If you know you belong to Jesus, say so now … out loud.
Rebuke the devil’s schemes, pray against evil’s intent to divide God’s people by race, by pride, by judgment and criticism.
Stand firm in His truth and be all He created You to be in this time.
Seek to understand even if you won’t. Listen, ask questions of God, of leaders.
Ask God to direct your steps. Maybe you will be in politics or on a community board with His heart for unity.
Remember, each one of us has purpose. And if God hasn’t said a new thing, then do the last thing He said to do. He is preparing you!
~~~
Thank you for joining me here. Your witness, your listening, your prayers encourage me.
How may I pray for you?
Email me at juliedibblespeaks@gmail.com
Love in Christ,
Julie
https://Facebook.com/jdibble4Him
beautifully written Julie……….
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Dear Wendi, how are you feeling, physically? Thank you for being here with me. It is such a blessing when I see someone was here, reading and prayerfully being blessed from above.
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it is always a pleasure to visit. thank you for asking…….it has been a struggle for the the past few weeks but I keep asking God for healing and I still believe He may give me one! 🙂
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Good morning, Wendi. I am sorry to hear of your struggle. I am thankful God hears our every heart whisper. Going to my time with Him. I am praying Romans 8:11 over your physical body.
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God bless you Julie for your kindness, I am deeply appreciative!
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Beautiful Julie, I am sharing it 🙂
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Dear Eileen, thank you that you will share, and His truth and message will go. I don’t want to be bothersome, but how is your sister and all I prayed for?
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It is so important that we remember, meditate, look upon, grasp God’s Truth in the midst of whatever circumstances occur. We have so much to depress us, so much evil and contempt and confusion; But God holds us all.
I am drawn, in considering your post, to Psalms 42 and 43, the sister Psalms. For you, dear sister, Psalms 43:
1Judge me, O God, and plead my cause against an ungodly nation: O deliver me from the deceitful and unjust man.
2For thou art the God of my strength: why dost thou cast me off? why go I mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?
3O send out thy light and thy truth: let them lead me; let them bring me unto thy holy hill, and to thy tabernacles.
4Then will I go unto the altar of God, unto God my exceeding joy: yea, upon the harp will I praise thee, O God my God.
5Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.
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Hi Kathy, thank you sister for reaching toward me and gathering me in a hug. It is only by His grace that I can write transparently, trusting He will use it for His glory. I receive the love from you and the psalms I will go to before sleep. Praying like there is no tomorrow. Love, Julie
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Julie, I felt your struggle as I read your post. I can only imagine the burden you were carrying. As a believer, you want to say and do the “right” thing. You want to protect your man who wears a blue uniform that to many represent evil and unjust behavior. Thank God for pulling you into Him, for He cares. He cares for all of us, even we don’t understand and don’t know how to take a step in the right direction. Shucks, we don’t even know what the right direction is. What I do know is your struggle is proof of your pure heart filled with love. Thanks for this post. Thanks for your transparency. This is where it starts. Real conversations. First reconciling our own thoughts and then being open enough to have discussions with those who do not look like us. Active listening with an open heart, praying for God to shine a light on the next step.
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I appreciate you. I agree. Real talk, as your blog is called. Real repentance. Worshiping Him in truth and in spirit. Thank you for standing with me in this gap, for we have more power in Christ when we are in unity. May God bless you today, sister.
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Yet another heartfelt, totally transparent word that resonates with holy fire and grace, and a deep commitment to do all that God is asking you to do. You inspire me so much, dear Julie, and this post is truly relevant, stirring and thought-provoking in all the best ways. Thank you, sister, for sharing your heart and encouraging us to seek harder after God. Sending blessings and gentle hugs. It can’t have been easy to press “publish” on this. God will honour your faithful obedience, my friend. xo ❤
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Oh Joy, thank you for seeing me. No not easy to press publish. There are many conversations yet for me to have with Him and with my husband and with His people. One step at a time. I thank Jesus for sitting me down yesterday to speak to me that I would listen even though the class I lead was starting in 2 hours. I thank Jesus in advance for however He will use ALL this mess we are in for the good of those who love Him and who are called for His purpose. And dear sister, He is the reason we can write and share and breathe. Oh Lord, thank you for Joy, be with her as she opens her heart to You, Father. Bless her and keep her with the strength only You can provide. In Jesus name, Amen.
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Yes, indeed, Julie, seek the Lord and He is to be found in whatever circumstance we find ourselves in! Blessings and continued prayers to you, Jason, and all those hurting.
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Thank you for coming alongside dear Marisa, for standing in this gap in prayer. So many are hurting, so much brokenness and need for Christ.
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You’re welcome! Glad to do it!
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Thank you Eileen.
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Thank you for your honesty. I weep for the lives that are lost in racial injustice at the hands of police. And I weep for the police, like your husband, who work hard to protect us and do right day after day after day. This must pierce their hearts. Lord Jesus, send your healing love and peace to blanket our hearts and communities. We pray against the enemies work intended to divide and bring hatred upon hatred. We call the name of Jesus over all. Praying for you and your dear family. May the Lord hold you close to His heart.
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Thank you for these words from your heart Melissa. Thank you for praying against the enemy inciting division. God will honor His people as we pray against evil. What means a lot to me in this moment of exhaustion are your prayers for us. Thank you over and over. He is holding me. I need to surrender again today and just be held. I cannot fight this spiritual battle in my own strength.
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My heart weeps with you. Lifting you in prayer, dear sister.
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Oh Julie,
Your lamentation is so palpable. My heart was moved to tears and joy and more tears and then hope.
Your statements here really convicted my heart, “The burden I stole from Jesus was lifted. Have you ever done that? Carried intensely something He didn’t give you. Rather you took it.” I’m certainly guilty of taking burdens from the Master that I have no place or power to carry – sigh.
Thank you for reminding me that I must cast ALL my cares on/to the One who cares for me.
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Oh Deanda, I am so thankful we connected. For we as God’s people need each other for confession, accountability, love, grace, truth … Jesus with skin on as my one sister at church has said. Praising His name that He drew you in at this post. Love in Christ, Julie
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❤️🤗
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