If I am honest, I don’t know where to start. Any words falling out of my mouth are not lovely or noble or praiseworthy.
In silence, my heart has shouted against the corrupt police officer whose evil pride murdered a man.
In our country, the color blue signifies law enforcement.
Blue is now blood-stained and race-shamed.
Mr. Floyd was a black man whom by all public accounts loved God. His family, our world, lost a light of Christ.
I will extol the Lord at all times; His praise will always be on my lips (Psalm 34:1).
Lord, I am embarrassed to be white and to be a police wife. Lord, I know my husband acts in accordance with the law. You created Jason to serve others wearing camo and now blue. I am so proud of him, Lord.
But what shall we do?
Lord, you hate murder. Jason and I do, too.
I will glory in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt His name together (Psalm 34:2-3).
Finding the right words is not as important as doing the right thing.
I talked with God a lot. He led me to post poetry on social media last week, breathing those words into my spirit. Twice, He led me to speak on Facebook live, even though I wasn’t ready.
I only want to say what He gives.
Lord, I want to help. I want to pray for all things, but my heart is so cluttered and fearful, God.
I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from my fears.
Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame (Psalm 34:4-5).
God granted me one of the best sleeps I have had in a looong time last night. When I woke, His light had already risen. Hope spoke peace into my soul.
The burden I stole from Jesus was lifted. Have you ever done that? Carried intensely something He didn’t give you. Rather you took it.
Almost as if I was walking on air, I headed to the coffee pot. Before I had my first strong Sumatra sip, I was overwhelmed with blessed assurance, knowing what He wanted me to do today.
The poor woman called, and the Lord heard her. He saved her from all her troubles (Psalm 34:6).
I knew I was to write a list for my husband of all the people God sent to us, letting us know they were praying.
I knew I was to attend the training through ERCOG on transparent racial discussions. (here is the link if you want to check it out, about an hour long https://youtu.be/bWbx-hD8-IQ )
Thank You, Lord, for loving me in my sin. As much as I wanted to be clean, I wasn’t. I wanted to lay blame to the murdering cop. I wanted to protect my husband’s reputation. All the while, I was not considering how deep and long the hurt is for black people in our country. Such foolishness in Your Kingdom, Lord. Thank You for lifting the veil that I may grow in empathy and grace, that I may put fear beneath my feet where it belongs, that I may be strong in You and Your ways. Thank You that you put a guard over my mouth but still listened to my heart cry in slience.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and He delivers them (Psalm 34:7).
I am still broken, as we all are.
We are broken vessels who heal, then crack, and sometimes stumble so hard we break into a million pieces all over again.
It was a struggle to praise Him this past week. I had to keep saying out loud, Lord, You are Sovereign, You are Holy, You are Righteous, we need You, I need You.
Praise whispered in the dark is better than no praise at all.
Our Mighty God is ever worthy of our praise.
Our circumstances, if we let them, will squelch that spirit in us.
In Christ’s victory I stand. Today I lift my arms to heaven as I gaze toward His glory. For I am His, and that is final.
I pray you will join me to stand in Christ’s victory.
For it is better to stand in the shadow of the Cross than in the shadows of evil’s lies.
If you know you belong to Jesus, say so now … out loud.
Rebuke the devil’s schemes, pray against evil’s intent to divide God’s people by race, by pride, by judgment and criticism.
Stand firm in His truth and be all He created You to be in this time.
Seek to understand even if you won’t. Listen, ask questions of God, of leaders.
Ask God to direct your steps. Maybe you will be in politics or on a community board with His heart for unity.
Remember, each one of us has purpose. And if God hasn’t said a new thing, then do the last thing He said to do. He is preparing you!
Thank you for joining me here. Your witness, your listening, your prayers encourage me.
How may I pray for you?
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Love in Christ,