I stand silently to listen for the One I love,
waiting as long as it takes for the Lord to rescue me,
For God alone has become my Savior (Psalm 62:1, Passion translation).
Little by little, my soul slips downward, toward the pit. I could list specific events, but suffice it to say it is the battle we all face. Darkness appears as King with its cheap imitation crown, whispers demonic invitations for me to abandon holy ground.
This week I followed my husband to the car dealership, so we could leave his car for inspection. Usually, I blast my praise music and rock with Jesus. Not this day. Rolling down my window, I leaned into the rush of His air. As my left ear could hear nothing but the whoosh, I envisioned the Lord clearing any cobwebs, destroying evil’s camp.
Have you ever been so weary you just cannot declare your identity in Christ, you just cannot go around kicking the devil out of obvious places?
Be still and trust He is defending you, for you are His.
Another night this past week, I crept into bed. Usually I read a psalm before sleep. The spirtual weight of increasing burdens made me just want to lie down.
I opened my Bible to Psalm 119. The Lord had led me there just a couple days before.
In the night, Lord, I remember your name, that I may keep your law (Psalm 119:55)
Repeating this verse, I left Bible open as I lay in surrender to Him. Drifting away from my day, I rested in Him. He who created the night with its softer light. He who never sleeps so that He may watch over His created.
The next morning I felt motivated to walk, not for cardiovascular exercise as much as time with Him. When you know that you know, He never leaves or forsakes, you want to grab hold. It is us who lets go of God, not the other way around.
Allowing Him to lead my steps, all my senses awoke to His gifts. Birdsong followed me, like a harmonious net in case I were to fall. Flowers and colors coming alive in His light.
In my limited physical energy, God nudged me to stop, rest against His tree as if He in the middle of our little town He placed me in the garden with Him.
Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God (Revelation 2:7).
That is Our Savior, the living God, who breathes hope into His children who are weary. And those who have a history of depression? He will surround and protect against the prowlers, those who spiritually murder.
I will be honest. My hope was beginning to crumble. It was getting harder for me to keep heaven on my radar. It is a mystery to me how and when I would have slipped further, but I am well aware it is a real possibility. The devil knows all the poetry I wrote through the years of my depression without knowing God. My spiritual enemy wants to deceive me and pull me back to a suicidal place of self-destruction.
Today? I am back on solid ground because He counted me worthy to save again from the mud and mire.
Yes, I will walk faster today and sing His praise along with the birds.
Let us remain vigilant and of sober mind. Let us not be fooled that we need to stay busy, especially when our souls are downcast. Let us take time to cease moving, cease thinking, and allow ourselves to be found again in the arms of our Savior.
Come and see what the Lord has done, the desolation He has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth, He breaks the bow and shatters the spear, He burns the shields with fire.
He says, “Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth”
The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress (Psalm 46:8-11).
How are you, Reader? How is your soul? If you can’t say it is well with your soul, please pray, just lay on your bed and call out to He who is listening.
If God used this post to minister to you, I would love to know so that I may praise Him with you. Feel free to leave a comment here on the blog or email me privately at firstname.lastname@example.org.
It is OK not to be OK. But don’t go it alone. Be still and know God who loves you and is saving you even this moment from evil.
Pray on, brothers and sister.
Love in Christ,