When you have lived most of your life without your mom on earth and now sixteen years without your dad on earth, sometimes I just can’t look at picture after picture on Facebook.
Sometimes I just can’t grasp good memories as there were so many challenging ones. Honestly, I have very few pictures of my parents without alcohol in their hands.
And every once in great while, I just can’t imagine those grieving with the hope of Christ, knowing without a doubt they will meet their parents in heaven.
When I just can’t, instead of should’ing myself:
I should be happy for others
I should let go of this feeling
I should stop being so selfish …
Shoulds are often entangled in lies of the enemy. I refuse to bow down and worship the devil who has his demonic finger pointing in my face.
When I just can’t, I let it be OK.
Maybe this kind of self-permission is foreign to you.
I have had to learn this. I have had to practice this.
Because my God knows every thought before I think it AND I TRUST HE DOESN’T CONDEMN ME, I breathe in and out, allowing His hands to hold me.
This may sound funny, but I sense God trusts me to get over myself quickly.
Besides the fact He knows the future, He knows me, and you, too.
He created humans with limits. Though Eve fell for the lie she could have knowledge like God, she ended up the same as us, limited.
My heart hides under armor for seconds as I scroll past images I just can’t digest. That armor of old, the steel wall that denied love for fear of being hurt.
After moments of I just can’t, I hang my head, lay my messy heart upon the altar once more.
Lord, I need You. I am still breaking in hidden places. Let me break as I hide within You, my shelter and refuge. Wash my heart clean of envy and restore my eyes to see others, no matter their story, in love. Fathers Day will pass, though it will come again if You choose to give us another year before You return. Please Lord let others who walk through times of “just can’t”, let them know how much You love them and are right there in those broken places, that You turn just can’t into I AM holding you. Like Hagar who just couldn’t watch her son wither in the heat, and You showed up, called her by name, just as You call to us by name. Thank You, Jesus, for being all things perfectly for us who cannot be perfect this side of heaven. Your love and gracious teaching is a gift like none other we will find here. In Your name we lift up and pray, Amen.
Thank you for joining me in this confession and opportunity to bring Him more glory.
I pray you know the forgiveness and kindness of Jesus. If you have any questions at all, feel free to email me at email@example.com.
May God bless you abundantly this given day.
Love in Christ, Julie